Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
