I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
