Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
