am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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