Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
