how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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