we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
