do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
