his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
