hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You dont lie about slip and slides
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
