Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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