I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
