ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
