Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
