Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
