True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
