Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
