if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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