He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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