apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
