the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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