I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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