By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
