It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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