how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i drank out of a bidet.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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