I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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