He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
As shirtless as possible
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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