1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
