Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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