My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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