i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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