I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
