That's intense
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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