Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
