ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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