Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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