I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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