Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
