my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
