When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
