Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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