I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
