I skipped work to stalk him.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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