she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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