Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
