I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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