My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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