Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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