i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
