I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
