I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
