worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
