i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
