She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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