brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
