I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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