someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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