if you like me you must not know who I am
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
