You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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